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Palin Haters Attended Second Annual Sacrifice Ritual Yesterday

July 1, 2010

A group of 67 women and men and three goats gathered in a wooded area near Salem, Massachusetts yesterday evening.  The group, bound together by their hate of the Governor, donned scarlet robes and hoods, brandished torches and reaffirmed their goals.  

After singing various pagan songs of sacrifice and Moloch worship, the leader, a man who was called Rob mounted a makeshift dias and roused them into a frenzy:  “We will not stop.  We will not tire until we have ruined her for good.  Who is she to try and force her backwards views on us?  Who is she to tell us whether we can abort up to the moment of birth or whether we can use fetuses for experimentation?  Who is she to lord it over sodomites and tell them they can’t marry?  Who are you Sarah Palin?  Who are you?” 

Thereafter the group began to chant “Who are You?  Who are You? ” in a curiously southern accent and generally became rather noisy.  Rob eventually silenced them by grabbing one of the goats they had brought along and slowly choking it to death with his right hand. “Ooooh”  was the collective response of the rouge crowd.  “That’s right,” said Bob, “We will choke off her support, and she will wither on the vine before even getting to Iowa!”  And the crowd cheered.  One particularly aroused participant managed to get on the stage with Rob and do a little jig while hoisting up his robe to reveal pale, hairy skinny legs bearing three greenish tatoos.  The crowd seemed to like the dance.  Rob was apparently bothered that he was being upstaged and threw the man off the dias into the crowd where he was unceremoniosly dumped on the ground and kicked a few times. 

“I have a right to know” said Rob returning to his theme.  “We have a right to know!” replied the crowd.  At that Rob let out a long shrill howl and the crowd responded “Ahhoooooooo.”  The two remaining goats sensed what was coming so they took the moment of distraction to make a run for it.  Rob cried out, “Get those two!  We still have to finish our ritual!”  So the crowd moved all at once tripping over themselves and creating a general jumble of pudgy sweaty limbs, nasty swearing and not a little bit of hope among those that had been come along for more than just another political pagan rally. 

The goats escaped and made it home to their farm from which they had been kidnapped.

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